THE SUNSET YEARS

Away from Her is a captivating and heartbreaking story of a woman (Julie Christie!) suffering from Alzheimer’s. When her illness advances to the point at which she feels she needs to check into a nursing home, her husband (Grant Pinsent) drops her off and reluctantly agrees not to visit her for 30 days in accordance with the home’s rules. But by the time he returns, she doesn’t recognize him and has begun a romance with one of her fellow residents.

My friend Shabbir Khandwawala has forwarded to me a few funny cartoons about the daily lives of elderly people. We all know that cartoons are one of the most effective means of

  communication we have. If laughter keeps you young, then these cartoons may be the ticket to getting older gracefully. But some of the humour also sets you thinking.

When the glow of the spirit begins to grow a bit dimmer and when we begin reflecting on best times in our past, I guess we have entered the twilight years.  Dictionary defines twilight as the soft diffused light occurring when the sun is just below the horizon, esp. following sunset. Sunset or sundown, is the daily disappearance of the sun  when the trailing edge of the sun's disk disappears about one diameter below the western horizon.

Time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unawares of the twilight years. How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go? I remember seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that twilight was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is. My friends are retired and getting grey. Some are in better and some in worse shape than me...but, I see the great change.

Last scene of all, 
That ends this strange eventful history, 
Is second childishness and mere oblivion, 
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. 
-Shakespeare:As you like it.

I see a great change even in their sense of humour and appreciation of it.

There’s an episode in the first season of The Office in which Michael Scott, the tactless boss, is asking his female employees to serve as cheerleaders for an upcoming company basketball game. When the heavyset Phyllis says she’ll do it, Michael reflexively says, “Oh yuck, that’s worse than you playing.” He then tries to rescue the crack with, “because we need you as an alternate.”

According to a new study, this type of humor is exactly the kind you should never deploy around the elderly. Older adults are much less likely to be fans of the aggressive style of humor—laughing at the expense of others. The older participants like affiliative humour—the kind of jokes that bring people together through a funny or awkward situation.  A big reason for the generation gap in humor is that as we age, we experience a variety of physical and emotional setbacks—declining cognitive faculties or missing friends who pass away.  The affiliative style of humor helps us deal with these losses as humor relies on the psychological idea of the benign violation. Situations that are mostly wrong but still a little bit right.

 As they say,
when the age is in, the wit is out.

-Shakespeare:Much Ado About Nothing

So why doesn't grandma find that aggressive style of humor funny, young man? One explanation might be that the jokes have changed over time, and today’s older people are just accustomed to a gentler kind of wit. As in TV serials and sitcoms, people might have a greater emotional connection to a show from their own generation and may not appreciate the shows like Comedy Nights with Kapil or The Great Comedy Circus. They may still be missing the Doordarshan’s Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Hum Paanch or Nukkad. Or those brilliant BBC sitcoms like The Office, Yes Minister or Curb Your Enthusiasm.

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

George is such a person. He told us, 'I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'

'Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.

Most of us know from experience that having a sense of humor, particularly in advancing years, about things can make life a little easier. And there's science to back that up: Being able to laugh at yourself may be a sign of an optimistic personality and a robust sense of humor and can add years to your life.

The Fountain of Youth is dull as paint

Methuselah is my patron saint

I’ve never been so comfortable before

Oh, I’m so glad that I’m not young anymore

-From Gigi a 1958 American musical

Sawako Ariyoshi was a Japanese writer and novelist. Her novel The Twilight Years depicts the life of a working woman who is caring for her elderly, dying father-in-law. Ariyoshi's detailed story of ordinary life raises important issues about the quality of life at the end of life, care giving for the old, and the dilemma of women who have both career and family obligations. The work gives us believable characters and home situations that reach beyond Asian experience.

 David Luke Myrick, known professionally as T. Texas Tyler, was an American country music singer and songwriter. I chanced upon one of his numbers ‘Sunset years of life’.

Mom and dad's been married 50 years today

 And for them old time has surely slipped away

But those wrinkles they don't lie

Their young years have passed them by

 I can see they're growing older day by day

Yes, they're living in the sunset years of life.

If we look at the last third of our lives as the Sunset Years, we can take in the brilliant colors, the effect the setting sun has on the planet and the calmness and softness with which the sun appears to slowly sink into the horizon. The sun's energy doesn't go away because it's setting or disappearing from our view. What remains of the fading light leaves a peacefulness and time to rest .And maybe that's where the term comes from- the softness of a diffused twilight when the sun is below the horizon. It's the calmness and peacefulness that we can finally choose our way of life whether it be with great energy, color and excitement, or with quiet dignity and wisdom...or both.

So says Rabindranath Tagore:

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add to my sunset sky. 

Tonight, watch the sunset.