MY NAME IS ANTHONY GONSALVES

IN one of the Districts that I served, I had a District Magistrate who was convinced that unless he asserted his authority continuously at all times and ad nauseum, no one was going to take him seriously. Tilting his head to an angle of ten minutes to six by the clock, every time he opened his mouth, he would start by declaring, ‘as District Magistrate I am saying this, ‘as District Magistrate my opinion is, ‘as District Magistrate I will hold this meeting…’ami Jela-Shashok hishabe bolchhii’…

All humans have a need to feel included and respected and have self-esteem and self-respect. Esteem presents a typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. And what lengths does one go in this pursuit!

‘Didn’t see you yesterday (Tomake dekhlaam na!)’  Inquired Ashok after he did not find me attending a party hosted by a rich and famous person.

It was not the first occasion that he had asked me this question. Not that he was concerned about my well being. He was just confirming if I was included in the guest list like him and whether I was still counted. By checking with me he would reassure himself with a superior air and sadistic pleasure how important and valued a member of city’s elite community he was – a page three number indeed!

During the turbulent years of naxalite upsurge in the State, an Additional Superintendent of a North Bengal district, let us assume his name was Ram Singh, figured as a class enemy on the list of some naxalite outfit. On learning about the perceived threat to his life and contrary to a commonly expected reaction, he started to walk on foot between his residence and the Police Lines instead of taking his official car, in complete disregard to the diktat.  And to drive home the point further, he prominently displayed his name on a sticker pinned to his shirt. Now this was quite a sensational event for this small, sleepy and terror stricken town. Soon he became a household word for fearlessness and indomitable spirit.

Later, I found to my utter surprise and disbelief that his reputation had transcended the district boundaries.

Once, while posted in the undivided 24 Parganas, I had to rush to a rural police station area for some law and order issue. A leader of the ruling party appeared on the scene, much after we had dealt with the situation leading to the cooling down of tempers and restoration of normalcy.  While finally walking back to my car to leave for headquarters I thanked him for his presence and support. He looked at me and for whatever provocation, said ‘Ami apnaar naam sunechhi.’ (I have heard your name). So my name was also known! So I also had a reputation!  A warm and swirling sensation went throughout my insides much like a few shots of a single malt whisky. I felt a bit lightheaded, as my head began to swell. And then it all came down crashing. A sidekick of the leader turned round and whispered to him ‘Uni ki Ram Singh?’ (Is he Ram Singh?)

Freud and Shakespeare both recognized that the relationship between name and identity is so strong that the misrepresentation of a name amounts to a misrepresentation of the person. (My apologies for misrepresenting names in this narrative). But the sense of personal identity and uniqueness that a name gives us is at the heart of why names interest us and why they are important to us as individuals and to our society as a whole. 

From the time I remember listening to and appreciating Hindi film music, I have wondered why the hero of the film has had to introduce his personality in the film by way of a song. Raj Kapoor’s classic Awara’s (1948) title song Awara hoon is the earliest number perhaps that I remember. Song after song followed the trend like chhalia mera naam from Chhalia, or that Devanand number Akela hoon main is duniya mein, or Mera naam Raju gharana anam from Jis desh mein ganga behti hai or Main hoon Don. There are yet many more songs in this genre that I can recall.

Is it because that the hero is not sure whether the audience will accept him or include him in their fantasy world even when a film in nothing but a ‘willing suspension of disbelief’? Or does he lack the self-esteem.  If the films are a real life reflection of your personality, then surely all humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small. Humans need to love and be loved – both sexually and non-sexually – by others.

Nagin, a great musical released in 1955, was a super hit film of its time. I remember several of its popular songs. In the Annual function of my junior school, one of its songs was played in the background in a play while the lead character carried a child character in his arms. Now that child happened to be studying in my section. All that the child had to do was to feign death in the arms of this character while the soulful Hemant Kumar number played in the background. I was very dejected nay almost heartbroken to see another child doing this role. I am convinced even now that I could have feigned death better. To this day I regret how they missed the opportunity to discover my histrionic talent!

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is often portrayed in the shape of a pyramid with the largest, most fundamental levels of needs at the bottom and the need for self-actualization at the top. Self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

The name is Bond, James Bond.

Why does he have to introduce himself twice in the same breath- right from Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan to Daniel Craig!

Of course there is a lot in the name notwithstanding the Shakespearian perspective: ‘What’s in a name’.

My firm belief in my importance in the social circuit sometime makes me to imagine myself in the great Amitabh Bachhan character and in his inimitable baritone introduce myself to the world …Anthony… Anthony Gonsalves…

And then I have two choices. Like him I turn around and in a lightening action give a hard punch in the face of the guy standing next to me who had the audacity of demanding  the introduction of such an important person or break into a jig to convey my intense desire to be wanted… main duniya mein akela hoon.

Feeling important makes you drunk on yourself. Feeling wanted makes you a human being high on someone else.

What is your elixir?