DON'T SMILE:WE ARE INDIANS

A few days ago I was travelling to Mumbai on an Indigo flight. It was not such a bright day both literally and figuratively. I was travelling to be with the bereaved family of a close relative who had expired suddenly the previous day. It was a cloudy sky and showers were forecast. We took off on time and were airborne reaching the 35,000 feet above the mean sea level. Soon, we started experiencing mild turbulence such as generally happens in monsoon due to clouds hanging heavy in the sky. The seat-belt signs were on. It was an early morning flight necessitating the travelers to rise early. Most of them were catching up with their lost hours of sleep when suddenly everyone was jolted out of his/her slumber. The aircraft was rocking from side to side and with occasional thuds it seemed like it was hitting a wall. It almost felt like travelling on a Kolkata road full of craters where the drivers try to avoid the ditches moving this way or the other. I held on to the arms of my seat tightly although I knew the futility of such exercise if things got worse.   The strutting was intermittent and with each thud there were shrieks and groans.  But what struck me was that each time after each thud, the lady sitting across in the aisle seat would turn and exchange a glance with me and smile. I would also return her smile. I had a brief moment of disbelief that one could smile in the face of such an unnerving event. And that too share that smile with a stranger. As the aircraft stabilized after what appeared to be an eternity and the seat-belt sign got switched off, I caught my breath, reclined my seat and leaned back. I glanced at the lady to catch her eye, half expecting her to smile back, now that the nightmare was over; to my disappointment I found that she looked through me and took her gaze off without smiling. She appeared to have switched off along with the ‘fasten seat belt’ sign.

I landed in Mumbai safely though the announcement by the cabin crew ‘hope you had a pleasant flight’ sounded out of place and bizarre. But one question has bothered me ever since. Why did the two strangers smile at each other in the midst of such a scary scenario, when everyone seemed to be in panic, when everyone was extremely nervous with heart in mouth? And again where did the smile vanish when we were assured of a safe landing?

At my daughter’s home in Mumbai, I was checking out the chart for my 3 year old grandson’s progression, history of vaccinations and inoculations and the steps a normal child takes in course of growing up. This informative booklet was given to my daughter upon discharge from the hospital after the delivery. It contained a lot of useful information and valuable tips on tending a growing toddler. Of these, one that caught my eye was about ‘social smile’ that a child starts to display when he is two months’ old. A small note at the bottom said: ‘By encouraging your baby to smile, you're helping your baby develop self-esteem. It lets the baby know that his/her feelings are important and that he/she can affect the environment. It's also important for a baby’s overall brain development.’

 After two tough months of late-night feedings and diaper changes, you're in for a big treat -- a smile from your baby. Newborns often smile in their sleep. But starting between 6 and 8 weeks of life, babies develop a "social smile" -- an intentional gesture of warmth meant just for you. This is an important milestone- baby is growing up and starting to figure out human behavior. Baby realizes that smiling back at you gets your attention and it also reveals that his/her communication skills are on track. Even at 3 years of age when my grandson committed a mischief or dropped or broke anything, he looks at his mother and smiles that disarms her and deters her from scolding him.  On the contrary, she smiles back too!

Standing in front of the framed and famed picture of Mona Lisa in the big hall at Louvre in Paris,  I wondered why the Mona Lisa became one of the most famous paintings of all times. That’s a question an incredible amount of people have asked themselves in the past. Mona Lisa's smile has repeatedly been a subject of many—greatly varying—interpretations. Some have described the smile as both innocent and inviting. Many researchers have tried to explain why the smile is seen so differently by people. The explanations range from scientific theories about human vision to curious supposition about Mona Lisa's identity and feelings. And one possible answer could be: because of her unique smile.

As a district officer, I was asked by my grumpy Range DIG to come over and meet him for some official matter. He always appeared to be in a foul mood and I had rarely seen him smile. Late in the evening I landed up in his office chamber. As I seated myself across his table, he summoned his office orderly and asked for tea to be served. We began chatting while we waited for tea to arrive. We were in the middle of some discussion when, after considerable delay, the orderly returned to the office chamber and with a broad grin on his face said ‘Saar, cha to aar paoa jaabe na’ (Tea will not be available anymore). Instead of taking the import of the communication as it was, the DIG literally took him on his ‘face value’. He glared at the poor harbinger of the tidings of a failed mission and shouted ‘Ta hole haashchho keno?’ (Then why are you laughing).

Once, in school, I was punished for something in the class and the teacher ordered me to stand upon the bench for the whole period. My standing on the bench could not have been worse timed, as just then I saw outside my mother passing by in the courtyard, it being a shortcut to the market. I must have smiled perhaps either out of guilt or shame or whatever, but my mother wore a very shocked and embarrassed look and quickly moved away. The criminal jurisprudence does not apply in such circumstances where the dictum says you cannot be punished twice for the same offence. Needless to say my mother’s retribution awaited me as I smilingly entered home later in the day.

According to studies smiling reduces stress that your body and mind feel, almost similar to getting good sleep, and smiling helps to generate more positive emotions within you. That’s why we often feel happier around children – they smile more. On an average, they do so 400 times a day. Whilst happy people still smile 40-50 times a day, the average of us only do so 20 times or even less.

Why don’t we smile more often?  Why don’t we exchange ‘social smile’ when we come across each other, even strangers? Overseas, I have noticed that most people greet with a smile, nod or a hello, when they pass each other. However, such rule doesn’t apply when Indians encounter other Indians. Back home too, we don’t smile at each other. Most of the women reflexively don’t respond with a smile (unless there is turbulence in the sky!). Not many of us greet strangers or unknown people. We stare at the other person with a serious face and walk past.

Mohammed Rafi was one of the most popular singers of the Hindi film industry and certainly one of the greatest in Bollywood history.  He was noted for his versatility; his songs ranged from classical numbers to patriotic songs, sad lamentations to highly romantic numbers, qawwalis to ghazals and bhajans. He was known for his ability to mould his voice to the persona of the actor, lip-syncing the song. Have you ever seen any photograph of his where he is not smiling? May be it is the secret of the sweetness in his voice. He transmitted the positive energy of being happy that perhaps made the generations to smile to his beautiful and soulful renditions.

Smiling is definitely more than just a contraction of muscles in your face or corners of your mouth or sockets of your eyes. In fact Mother Teresa’s “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” reaches probably even farther and beyond than imagined. A smile can cause boundaries to melt, hearts to warm up, and distances to reduce. When we smile, we share happiness with ourselves first, before we do that to others.  

I was smiling to myself as I was walking in the morning and enjoying fresh air. A stranger coming from the opposite direction smiled back at me and said, ’Nice to see you’. I was startled. ‘I’m sorry. Do we know each other?’ ‘No’, the stranger replied. ‘I just enjoyed your smile.’

Today this stranger is my best friend on my morning walks!